HoH Blog Post #5: Matt

August 11, 2010

Hello, Big Brother super-fans! It’s yet another edition of the diabolical super-genius HoH blog…

I think I’m gonna be using this one purely selfishly as a personal brain-dump of anything on my mind as of late. Electronic therapy, if you will. So, I don’t know how much “juicy house gossip” you’ll be getting, but it’ll probably be interspersed in here somewhere. Also, you can count on me winning at least one more of these in the future, so it may get better…

I’ll start with my HoH basket from my parents. I’m thoroughly convinced that they’ve jumped on the “Matt’s a scumbag” bandwagon, and it makes me kind of sad. One of the only “rules” my mother told me before leaving was not to say that she has cancer or any other physical illness as a game play tactic (she knows me too well). Of course, I found a loophole in her rule by using my wife instead of her. Now, you would think that after not seeing your son for almost two months that you would have tons to say. Instead I got like a four sentence letter…

…It started out with “Son” as the greeting instead of “Matt”. Maybe this letter was meant for Enzo or Lane from one of their parents? Who knows. Anyway, the first sentence talked about how they see me more now than they ever did before (subtle undertones that I am a neglectful son). Then it went on to the next sentence about how my lawn mower broke, and now my grass is overgrown because it can’t be cut. Okay, let me break for a second here to explain what it’s like playing Big Brother. When you’re immersed in this game, there is no need for any outside stressors. So the night I got my HoH basket I probably should have been thinking about my strategies and who I should be putting up on the block and who I need to keep off the block to save myself…but instead I was losing sleep worrying about how bad my grass back at home looks. Thanks, mom & dad!…

…The third sentence told me that we’d celebrate my birthday when I got home. Okay, that made me happy. But the big finish was telling me to always know how much I am loved. But it didn’t necessarily say that I was loved by THEM. So, what I learned from my HoH letter from my parents was that I don’t visit them enough, my house is in shambles, I have an impending birthday celebration, and somebody somewhere loves me.

To give them the benefit of the doubt, I could be completely overreacting and misreading this entire thing. I mean, after 40 days locked away with all these other looneys, I am no doubt losing my mind. My parents are not very verbose and expressive people, so their intentions may have been good. And if so, then that’s enough for me. Also, they did give me some cool trinkets. One of them was a glass heart filled with hair from my dead childhood cat, Patches. Patches was the best – so much so that I even wrote and recorded a song about her in my old band. She was a miserable crotchety old cat who had every disease in the book and hated everyone except for me and my mother. R.I.P., Patches. Also I got these badass zombie cat figurines as well as one more rubber ducky – this one was a rock’n'roll drummer duck…

…Aside from those figures just being generally cool overall, they completed my collection of figures so that I have one figurine for each of the remaining houseguests. As you live-feeders may know, I have wicked insomnia and am pretty much always the last one up at nights. So now I get to use my rubber duckies and zombie cats late at night in my HoH room to work out strategies of how I’m going to take myself to the top in this game. I pretty much have it all set, so (outside of the saboteur thwarting my perfect plan) this should be a breeze!

Anyway, mom and dad, in all seriousness I genuinely do appreciate the letter and the gifts. I know that you still love me even if you’re disgusted with my behavior. :0) Also, I have a feeling that my dad is eating this all up and is loving every minute that I get more and more devious, but he needs to act disappointed in me to appease my mother. I’m on to you, dad! It’s time to be a man, stand up to mom, and tell her how super-awesome I am! ;0)

In addition to missing my parents, I am still missing my beautiful wife Stacy more and more each day. I genuinely thought it would be no problem to come into this house and shut out my “real life”, but it’s impossible. I think about Stacy every day, multiple times. Mostly about how she’s doing, if she’s happy, if she still loves me, if she’s proud of me, if I’m embarrassing her, etc. I, admittedly, am playing a pretty amoral game of Big Brother. I never expected America to like me, nor did I (or do I) care. A sea full of strangers turning on me doesn’t bother me in the least, but I definitely don’t want the people closest to me in my life to look down on me when I get back home. I keep telling myself that anyone who really “knows” me will know that the only true part of my character in this house is the fact that I go all the way with everything I do in life, and that will “explain away” my behavior here. I am doing WHATEVER I NEED TO DO to win this game (outside of infidelity), and oftentimes it’s not the type of behavior that I would ever exhibit in the real world. I worry so much that Stacy and my parents and my friends will fail to understand this, even though deep down inside I kind of know that they will get it. It’s past the point-of-no-return now, though, so all I can do is play this out and keep my fingers crossed that I still have my support system when I get back home. But Stacy, if you’re reading this – I love you more than anything in the world, and I cannot wait to get back home and lock away with you for days on end! I hope I’m making you proud!

On a related note, it’s not just my parents and Stacy that I’m missing…it’s everyone in my life. I have such a large close peer group, and it’s horrible not seeing any of my friends. If I had one wish when I get out of this house, it would be for me to arrive back at home and when I open the door to my house it is filled with everybody who is close to me in my life. I would probably break down and lose it, but walking in to seeing everyone there to greet me would be an even better feeling than winning the half-million (especially if there was a cold beer waiting for me too). It’s what I need right now BADLY, and I’m going to need it even more by the time I get out of this nut-hut.

Okay – if you’ve made it this far then I guess I can reward you with some juicy house gossip, eh? Let’s start with Brendon and Rachel (who will, from this point forward, be referred to collectively as “Brenchel” for purposes of brevity)…

…So Brenchel have officially gone out of their minds. Brendon is (to the best of my knowledge) the first player in Big Brother history to actually campaign AGAINST himself! He’s asking people to send him home so that Rachel can stay in this house. HUH?!? What a big dummy!!! He’s got the opportunity of a lifetime here, and he’s squandering it for a chick that he met four weeks ago??? Nothing against Rachel, but c’mon! It’s also frustrating to see someone so blatantly give up on a shot at something that tens of thousands of other people would have killed for. To me it shows a lack of appreciation and respect for the game. His boorish behavior is also making everybody want to keep him in the house this week, just to punish him for being such a dope. I think that would be funny, and I fully support it.

Brenchel also keeps fighting with everyone. Brendon is definitely out to get me as his #1 target, but I’m not worried because… I HAVE THE DIAMOND POWER OF VETO!!!

That sounds really fancy, but actually it’s kind of a burden. Sorry to disappoint, America, but I may only use this thing if Rachel ends up being the saboteur. I mean, it’s just not a wise move when all eyes are on me to be the saboteur, and everyone already thinks that whoever is the saboteur has some sort of special power. If I break that out, then there’s no way I can convince people otherwise (and it’s already hard enough to make people believe my horrible Pandora’s Box lie). Had I known the saboteur would be back, I would have spent much more time constructing a better well-thought-out story about my P-Box experience. Oh well. Hindsight is 20/20, and I’ll talk my way out of this one just like I do with everything else in here. These people end up sinking themselves all the time around this house, so if I back off for a while then the target will definitely fall off my back. :0)

I’m going to put it on record here that Enzo is the saboteur. I want it to be Rachel, but (as much as I love the guy) I think it’s Enzo. And that’s upsetting to me that a Brigade member would accept that offer. I really hope I’m wrong about that, but I just have a hunch about this one. Thankfully Enzo is terrible at every challenge, so I shouldn’t have to worry about him winning anything over me. Why oh why, America, would you vote a Brigade member as the saboteur?!? You’re supposed to be on our side! We love you!!!

Well, I’ve written more than enough for this edition. Based on my “action figure strategy plan” I probably won’t be wanting to win another HoH until it’s the final five in the house, so try not to miss me too much. ;0) I am honestly and truly humbled by anyone who has made it all the way through this blog. Thank you SO much for the support – it’s the thought that people care about me that gets me through the hard times in this house, so I’ll have all of my supporters to thank for my victory just as much as I will myself. My thanks and apologies again go out to all sufferers of Melarheotosis (sp?), and I hope to win this half-million so that I can contribute to your research for a cure.

All my friends back home – get the keg tapped and ready for my return. I want it to be a blowout. If I win the half-mil, drinks are on me!

Mom and dad – I love and miss you, and I hope you’re supporting me and my decisions.

Stacy – I am so appreciative of you having my back throughout this experience. I love you with all my heart. When I get back home, what do you say…your coffin or mine? :0)

To the rest of America – whether you love me or hate me, I think it’s awesome that you even care at all. As a Big Brother super-fan myself, I think you’re all fantastic and I hope we’re giving you an entertaining and enjoyable season. I can’t wait to get home and read all the scathing message board posts and laugh at all the Photoshops from the haters across the country! Hahah…

Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease,

–Matt

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